On Saturday, 21 May, Little Miss Attila and I will be on DaTechGuy’s radio show (WCRN 830 AM) talking about modesty. In preparation for the sheer awesomeness of that show, Haemet will be featuring modesty blog posts this week. Whet your appetite and all.
The latest anti-modesty modern folly: Slutwalks. Boston had one the other week, featuring a parade of half-naked young women who were empowered to fight the patriarchy by doing what all chauvinists wish they would do: take off more clothes. Allegedly, the Slut Walks started because a Toronto police officer said that women should not dress like sluts in order to not be victimised. I say “allegedly” because the police officer certainly said it, and it’s certainly a silly thing to say (although not nearly as offensive as these women think), but because this whole thing seems like an excuse to engage in the “I have sex, therefore, I’m an intellectual” mentality. Or to protest.
Sean Hannity tackled this head-on by bringing Rebecca St. James into the studio to talk about modesty and Tamara Holder to talk about how women shouldn’t be ashamed of their bodies:
ST. JAMES: Tamara, I mean, what are women saying by dressing provocatively? I mean, I think they are saying I’m easy. I’m asking you to look at me as a sexual object rather than a woman worthy of respect. I think these women that are marching and saying I should be able to wear whatever I want –
HOLDER: There’s nothing wrong with looking like a sexual object.
ST. JAMES: OK, do they want to be treated like a sexual object all the time?
HOLDER: No, you can look attractive –
Earlier in the conversation, Holder also expressed offence at the idea that women are asking for sex by the way they dress. Now, I would like to point out that asking for sex and asking for rape are two totally different things, but I am also willing to be that if Tamara Holder wore a sexy dress out on a date, did her make-up, and, for all her efforts, got not so much an appreciative glance, she would be irate. Breathing fire mad. On the phone with her girlfriends, asking if he’s cheating, gay, or asexual. For fun, picture what would happen if Tamara Holder, or any other “you can dress however you want and you aren’t asking for sex” woman, were to dress up in a negligee and walk into the bedroom, only to have her boyfriend or husband look at her for a nanosecond before glancing at the TV.
All of us modesty advocates (or, as I like to call us, “people with basic common sense”) are saying is that the object of your desire is not the only one who will find your dress to be alluring. That you would rather disembowel yourself than kiss that greasy-looking 60-year-old does not mean that the aforementioned greaseball does not start having fantasies about you in that miniskirt. Furthermore, let’s stop kidding ourselves that women aren’t dressing that way to get attention. That the attention is not the attention they particularly want isn’t our fault.
Yep. Girls going around half naked to shame chauvinists? Oh, yeah, they hate that! That’ll show ‘em.
Can’t wait to hear your radio show! I’m glad you are on the side of common sense.
I heard Rebecca St. James just got married. Did you ever hear her song, “Wait for me?” Just heard it the other day and was thinking of what a great message it had.
The “women shouldn’t be ashamed of their bodies” argument seems like a false dichotomy. You can be proud of your body without showing it to anyone and everyone.
I am all for modesty, certainly, but where I stand arm in arm with my “slutwalking” brothers and sisters is in my anger at the notion held in the core of the officer’s comment, which is simply that the victim bears responsibility for the crime. We hear it time and time again. A mugger proclaims “I don’t choose my victims, my victims choose themselves”, which is just a lame way for saying this assclown looks for the easiest target to push over. Or the make me cringe “It’s not his fault. I know I shouldn’t make him angry when he’s been drinking”. Right.
It’s wrong to unduly tempt someone or cause someone to stumble, and in kindness we do well to abstain from drinking if a friend is visiting that is an alcoholic. Likewise, a women’s dress can be a serious stumbling block for many a man, but ultimately the responsible party is the perpetrator of the crime. If he is tempted to do wrong, it is expected that he will resist that temptation, or suffer the consequences. We had a little back and forth about this very subject at my always interesting, sometimes entertaining blog.
A rapist (date rapist or otherwise) is 100% responsible for his actions. 100%. But people can increase their odds of being victims by doing certain things. If you think in terms of all the things people are told to do in order to avoid being victims of any crime, that should be self-evident.
Neil: I’ll look up Rebecca St. James’ song.
Either that or some serious projecting. That they can’t understand why we (both men and women) would cover up without shame entering the picture says more about them than about us, IMHO. (Again, I think it goes back to the idea that women who dress provocatively want to be noticed, at least by men they find to be attractive and interesting — they just ignore the fact that the world’s male population is not limited to such men.)
Nicholas:
Absolutely, 100% agreed.
Now, maybe this is one of those crazy woman things that makes sense to us but not to you: I will fiercely defend the right of a woman to be mostly naked, to screw all but one man on the football team, turn to him, and say, “Sorry, not you” and think that she has a 100% right to not be raped. Then again, I also think that doing so is pretty freakin stupid.
Also, I’ve had some men hit on me and all but molest me when I’ve been wearing some really tame outfits (e.g. khaki pants and my friend’s oversize college sweatshirt; sweater and knee-length skirt; khaki skirt, ballet flats, hair in a bun, and sweater), so I’m the first to say that modesty is no panacea. But it just strikes me as bizarre to wander the streets half-naked in protest of chauvinism – unless you’re doing a feature for the Onion. Maybe these girls should have put on burqas and marched with signs that say, “In the Middle East, this outfit is considered ‘Asking for it’”.
No one says that telling 16-year-olds to lock the doors to the car when they are at school means that they are asking to be robbed, or deserve it, but it’s common sense to not tempt criminals or make things easy for them.
…and Nicholas? Dahlin man?
I would love to comment on your blog, but my comments always get eaten by it. Any work-arounds?
Oh, darn it! And I so wanted to hear you negotiate the argument. That blogger thing is driving me batty. I get more complaints like that. Well, copy before you submit your comment so you can get a second shot at it if the first disappears into the ether? E-mail me directly and I’ll post it for you? Send it to Bongo Bob and have him post it, along with a small sample of that cheesecake he likes to serve up?
You know that kahki pants, oversized college sweatshirt thing can really work.
As with so many other things, modesty begins at home. Several years ago, I wrote a story about modesty at home and in the church in hopes of reaching hearts on this issue. You can read this at:
http://onthewritenarrowpath.blogspot.com/2011/05/daddy-will-you-please-cover-me.html
Press on!
Caught the show and enjoyed it, though you gave us ‘SlutWalkers’ rather short shrift! Good job though. Lot’s of fun!!