Yes, it’s the second-ever edition of “What the heck was Dear Abby thinking, and can we please get to the heart of the issue here?”.
Today’s topic: 17-year-old strumpets who do nude modeling:
DEAR ABBY: A young family member, “Missy,” age 18, has been doing nude centerfolds for almost a year. Her mother signed the approval paperwork for her because Missy was still 17 at the time of the first photo shoot. Since then, there have been many more photos and nude videos.Missy’s grandparents practically raised her and don’t know about what she’s doing. The rest of the family is aware of it. Her mother says it’s Missy’s responsibility to tell her grandparents. The rest of the family would prefer the mother tell them. We all realize we have been part of this conspiracy.
Do you think that Abby advised that the grandparents’ reaction is not the biggest thing to be worried about? That maybe 17-year-olds, or even 18-year-olds, do not understand the ramifications of posing nude in the age of the internet? that Missy needs some self-esteem? that if the entire high school knows about it, that every boy in there has either purchased the magazine or probably seen it for free after Missy has had a few beers? Or, hello, Facebook – those naked pictures are already there, waiting for every future classmate, co-worker, employer, and date to see? Hell, no! Abby – clearly a Democrat – answers thusly:
Um, a fact would be that Senator Brown “got ahead by his looks” in that he had the brains to use his modeling money for law school, which is not exactly the same thing as stripping for a Coach purse. Furthermore, although Sen. Brown was nude in the picture, he showed no more than anyone could see at the beach; Missy is showing everything. Oh, yeah, and he had already graduated from Tufts; he wasn’t ripping off his clothes in high school. Aside from those fundamental differences, it’s the exact same thing, like.
Okay, my conservative-from-Massachusetts rant aside, let’s delve into the details. “When the inevitable happens, keep the hysteria to a minimum.” Really? The problem here is how grandparents might react to knowing that their granddaughter showed her nether regions to everyone with a subscription to Penthouse or access to the internet? The problem would not be that eighteen-year-old girls should not be taking off their clothes for money, period, end of story? That there are no other consequences from this action aside from the quaint pearl-clutchings of out-of-touch grandparents?
These grandparents probably aren’t on Twitter, but they know a hell of a lot more about the internet than does hip, modern Abby and “Covered Up”: they know that Facebook and YouTube are forever. They might have been so old-fashioned as to remain married to the first person they said “I do” to, but they understand dating a lot more than anyone else in the dysfunctional family; the pressure that young women are under to “put out” will be increased a thousand-fold on the nude model. Stating the obvious: these retirees probably understand the workforce a lot better, too: many employers get squeamish about someone whose work experience involves removing her panties.
Okay, final question: what kind of mother signs a permission slip for her daughter to sell her body? I mean, would not any decent parent find a better way for her daughter to earn money? Isn’t part of parenting that you teach your kids the value of a dollar, and that when your kid earns more by stripping than by honest work she can be proud of, she’s setting herself up for disaster? Oh, and good luck convincing her to spend four years of her life and thousands of dollars on a college degree when she’s being paid so well to sell her young body – a young body that will not long remain so, the money that will be spent or frittered away, but the nude photos that will dog her for years.
Mamma grizzly rant over.
Roxeanne, you should write a Dear Abbey column.
The Abbey writer chose this letter, ostensibly because she not only thought it was an intersting problem, but ostensibly because it allowed her to show her sensitive and sound advise.
She was asked the question:
Is there a way to keep the family from falling apart over this?
Which she dutifully attempted to answer. So much for her judgment. “Easy”, she says. “They’ll get over it.” But the question asked showed the writer’s own limited understanding of the problems at hand. She would have been better served if Abbey had attempted to direct her to the more important long term issues.
The question is does Abbey have a sense for what is important? The young girl was largely raised by her grandparents, yet she asks her mom to sign a release so she can pose before she is eighteen. The release is so that someone that has more mature judgment can help make informed choices for what the minor is doing, yet the girl chose to subvert the process by asking a disinterested parent, who went along with the ruse. And no one wants to tell the acting parents what’s been going on.
To be honest, the idea of this kind of problem haunts me. For my part, I’d like to know what became of the dad.
nicholas’s last blog post..Steven Portnoy Aghast Over Limbaugh Tax Comments
When our parents find out and realize that everyone else knew, they will feel betrayed. I’m afraid this will tear the family apart.
Yes, I imagine those grandparents who “practically raised her” will no doubt feel quite betrayed. Not so much because they were deceived by their entire family, but because none of that child’s aunts, uncles, or cousins, did a damned thing to save her when they found out what the child’s mother was letting happen to her.
Yeah.
And to make Roxeanne’s point, a young candidate for congress running as a Democrat in Virginia is having to respond to odd photos taken of her and some friends at a college party. The gal’s name is Krystal Ball (legit). The whole thing looks like a drunken stupor, the fully clothed participants joking around in photos taken with a sexual overtone. They just look kind of stupid and silly. They should not be used in the election as they are not relevant…
yet there they are.
nicholas’s last blog post..Sissy Willis Up To No Good
At the risk of seeming insensitive or mean, the grandparents in question are the same people who raised that mother who abandoned her daughter, they are the same people who raised those aunts/uncles who won’t take any responsibility and don’t see it as their problem beyond the turmoil it will cause for them personally, and they are the same people who raised a 17-year old stripper. Good for them for taking responsibility to raise their granddaughter, but is it too much of a stretch to question if their parenting skills might be at least part of (probably most of) the problem, given that every kid they raise seems to turn out messed up?
(p.s. I really like nicholas’s suggestion – a “Dear Roxeanne” advice column would be awesome!)
1. What a sad case.
2. I think you could do a whole blog correcting advice columnists like Dear(anged) Abby.
Dave’s right, the family seems under duress all the way around. But of all the members, the ones who had the where-with-all to stay together, who provided for and raised not only their own children, but their grand-daughter, and the only people that everyone knows will be upset over the ‘modeling’ and all that may eventually entail…
were the grand-parents.
nicholas’s last blog post..Shazad Late Mortgage Payments Not Likely To Be Made Good
@ David
the grandparents in question are the same people who raised that mother who abandoned her daughter
I don’t think we know this; the grandparents may have spent the last 18 years trying to counter their daughter-in-law’s influence.
But you’re right about their having raised cowards!
Dave: awesome points. Also, please don’t worry about being “insensitive or mean” in “Dear Roxeanne” posts; if you are, I’ll insensitively and meanly point it out.
It’s a sad situation, and the grandparents clearly didn’t do a great job raising their kids, but Missy Sans Habille will be the one to suffer the most.
<3 <3 the "Dear Roxeanne"/"De(ar)ranged Abby" idea!!
Good question, Nicholas. Sadly, the fathers tend to be not really, um, represented in these situations, which is how they tend to happen.
Dear Abby, but instead of you asking Abby for advice, you are looking at her workmanship and giving her advice.
Kind of a remedial program for struggling advise columnists, which would encompass the lot of them by the looks of it.
: )
nicholas’s last blog post..‘The African Queen’ Open Thread